Had the pleasure today of listening to a fat smelly redneck wearing an “If you want to confuse a liberal…use logic” T-shirt…bitch about how minorities are stealing hard working white peoples jobs. Why are the defenders of the white race always the poorest fucking examples of it? Yupper…those minorities are the reason no one will give you a job…it has nothing to do with obesity, illiteracy, hypocrisy, laziness, lack of self respect, and an overall lack of personal hygiene. Lesson, if you act like an asshole…smell like an unwashed asshole…and look like a shit sandwich…people might not want to hire you.
Calm down…arguments happen in relationships. They’re just pot holes in the road man. It’s a little bit of a bumpy ride sometimes, but if you keep slamming on the brakes every time one comes up…you never get anywhere.
Wow…there’s a couple on stage…singing a song called “Date Rape” together. This heart warming moment has been brought to you by Jack Daniels…proud sponsor of date rapes everywhere.
Yea though I walk through the valley of the microwave gas station rib sandwich…I shall fear no heartburn for I know that Alkaseltzer is with me. It’s sodium and it’s bicarbonate comfort me. Though I preparest a table before me covered in mine enemies…you annoitest my stomach lining with calcium. My butt shall not runneth over.
I would like to design/sell a dildo shaped like Kurt Cobain…and call the product “Cum as you are”…sooner or later I’m sure it would smell like teen…ummm…something or other.
I want to invent a butt plug shaped like Bill O’Reilly’s head…I figure…he spends so much time with his head stuck up his own ass….that there must be something appealing about it.
I just watched a homeless person push his shopping cart up to the patio at Starbucks…take out a Toshiba laptop…get online…and start playing the World Of Warcraft online RPG…I’m waiting for him to tell me he’s not actually homeless…he’s just really into larping.
Ladies…here’s a tip…if you want to get a man to do something…tell him you read an article that claimed it would make his dick bigger. Any mammal that is willing to buy a penis enlarging pill from a twenty four hour gas station will believe anything.
Best yahoo headline ever…”Democrats shun Weiner as scandal grows”…wonder what Monica Lewinski would say about it? If ever there was a Democrat that should have shunned weiner…
Brett was not giving up. He was determined in the way that only a man on too much acid…with a hard on for a cartoon could be. Driving or not he was going to suck me into his delusion.
From the short story “3:00 am” by Shane C. Gray
I long for the day when all these modern crusaders for parity realize that where basic human rights are concerned….you can’t fight fire with fire…if you do then everybody gets burned. Be better than the person who mistreats you…if you think someone is being an asshole….so you turn into an asshole…pretty soon everybody is an asshole…and then it’s a really shitty situation…but I guess in a way we’re all equal then…oh joyous day…to know that we all have the right to slander and mistreat each other equally…Martin Luther King, John Lennon, and Mary Wollstonecraft would be so proud.
Every generation has a name…we had the “hippie” generation…the “boomer” generation…generation X…the last generation was the “why bother” generation…I am officially naming this one the “T.M.I.” generation because we give out way too much fucking information man…I didn’t need to know that you just masturbated under a blanket in your living room, while watching the Chipmunks Christmas special…that didn’t need to be a Twitter update…I know way to much about my friends and what they do to…I’m not comfortable shaking anyone’s hand anymore.
Do dogs run faster while licking the wind?
My misspent youth
Anyone I’ve ever met who said sex is a sin was…almost without exception…far too goofy to ever get laid…so of course they would say that.
Shane C Gray