My contribution to the Wonka meme. I also made a square version that is on memegenerator.net but this version was done with the meme generator phone app.
Ever seen an obnoxious late night infomercial host who seems to be on every channel and thought “I wish someone would just kill this guy?” Well here’s your chance to see it. Info-Murder is a Dark comedy short by Director Jordan Robinson and Producer Gregory Jackson that parodies infomercials in the style of Vince Offer and the late Billy Mays. This film stars actor Shane Gray (Abraham Lincoln vs zombies, Breaking at the edge) as the TV infomercial host you just can’t seem to get rid of…unless you kill him. the voice over at the end is also done by Shane Gray. (This film is a parody and claims no rights to the products used in this video. All rights to these products revert to the patent holders of said products.)
He shouldn’t have messed with PBS!!!
Since I created and uploaded this graphic it has started popping up all over the web. It was voted best Romney vs Big Bird meme by talk radio…is now on know your meme…is on mittfiredbigbird.com…and on E! Entertainment weekly online just to name a few. What isn’t on any of these sites is creative credit. No one is making money off of it but still. Everything on this page that isn’t original to me has been credited to it’s source. Is there anyway that anyone knows of for me to get credit?
Saw a Hoover vacuum cleaner today that said it had “Pet Rewind” on it. How does one rewind a pet? Is there a button you can press that puts the hair back on the dog?
This little piggy went to market…this little piggy stayed home…this little piggy had roast beef…and this little piggy got high on bath salts while watching silence of the lambs, butchered all of the other little piggies and then ate bacon sandwiches with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
A lot of people I know voted for Obama because they were sick of haviing their freedoms limited and didn’t want “another Bush in the White house”….oops.
If you don’t believe me you may want to give this a read:
From the Washington post:
“Anti-Occupy” law ends American’s right to protest
WASHINGTON, D.C., August 1, 2012 — I was stunned upon hearing a news report about a protest going on in China. Teachers, parents with their young, school-age children and pro-democracy activitists (one estimate was 90,000 people) marched in Hong Kong to government headquarters last Sunday to publicly protest a new required “Patriotism” class, to be taught in the school system starting in 2015. The protestors think that the effort of the Chinese government here is to brainwash their kids in favor of communism.
What stunned me was that this protest, in China, against the government’s upcoming policy, at the government headquarters, would not now be tolerated here in the United States of America.
Thanks to almost zero media coverage, few of us know about a law passed this past March, severely limiting our right to protest. The silence may have been due to the lack of controversy in bringing the bill to law: Only three of our federal elected officials voted against the bill’s passage. Yes, Republicans and Democrats agreed on something almost 100%.
We have lived through a number of protests, large and small, and if we are like most, we shrug because the protestors or their message is either irrelevant or objectionable to us, and does not affect us. This non-interest is the case even when some of the protestors and some of their messages are highly objectionable.
Recent example Number One are the military funeral protests by the Westboro Baptist Church. This very small, anti-gay group from Topeka, Kansas says that God is punishing the United States for accepting gay rights by killing US troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. They protested at the funeral of Elizabeth Edwards, wife of former presidential candidate John Edwards, because she supported gay rights. Our Supreme Court upheld the rights of these bigots to continue their protests. We hated the opinion while we recognized its correctness.
The First Amendment to our Constitution guarantees us the rights of free speech and assembly. A fundamental purpose of our free speech guarantee is to invite dispute. Protests can and have been the catalyst for positive change. Thus while we despise that protestors can burn our flag as protected political speech, and we hate that Neo-Nazis can march down our streets, we recognize the rights of these groups to do what they do and we send our troops across the world to fight for these rights.
Last year’s “occupy movement” scared the government. On March 8, President Obama signed a law that makes protesting more difficult and more criminal. The law is titled the Federal Restricted Buildings and Grounds Improvement Act, and it passed unanimously in the Senate and with only three “no” votes in the House. It was called the “Trepass Bill” by Congress and the “anti-Occupy law” by everyone else who commented.
The law “improves” public grounds by forcing people - protestors - elsewhere. It amends an older law that made it a federal crime to “willfully and knowingly” enter a restricted space. Now you will be found guilty of this offense if you simply “knowingly” enter a restricted area, even if you did not know it was illegal to do so. The Department of Homeland Security can designate an event as one of “national significance,” making protests or demonstrations near the event illegal.
The law makes it punishable by up to ten years in jail to protest anywhere the Secret Service “is or will be temporarily visiting,” or anywhere they might be guarding someone. Does the name Secret tell you anything about your chances of knowing where they are? The law allows for conviction if you are “disorderly or disruptive,” or if you “impede or disrupt the orderly conduct of Government business or official functions.” You can no longer heckle or “boo” at a political candidate’s speech, as that would be disruptive.
After you swallow all of this and correctly conclude that it is now very easy to be prosecuted for virtually any public protest, you should brace yourself and appreciate that it is even worse. Today, any event that is officially defined as a National Special Security Event has Secret Service protection. This can include sporting events and concerts.
The timing of the law was not coincidental. The bill was presented to the Senate, after House passage, on November 17, 2011, during an intense nationwide effort to stop the Occupy Wall Street protests. Two days before, hundreds of New York police conducted a raid on the demonstrators’ encampment in Zucotti Park, shutting it down and placing barricades.
This law chips away our First Amendment rights. Its motivation is 100 percent politically based, as it was designed to silence those who would protest around politicians giving speeches. Both Republicans and Democrats agreed they did not want hecklers at their rallies. If you want to protest a politician speaking to a crowd now, you can do so maybe a half mile or so away.
We used to have a right of access to streets, sidewalks, and public parks to engage in political discussion and protest. The government should be able to impose reasonable limits to ensure public order, but that power must have a limit; it must never be used to quell unpopular opinion or to discriminate against disfavored speakers. Protestors must be allowed to be in the same place at the same time as the speaker they oppose. The presence of a Secret Service Agent (remember, how do we know they are there?) should not prevent us from lawfully, non-violently organizing and demonstrating against a cause or a speaker we disfavor.
Write to Congress. Protest this anti-protest law.
So…who’s enjoying a nice alcoholic beverage tonight? WELL FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!
I’ve been sober for 5 years now. No alcohol and no drugs. Of course I didn’t do this because I wanted to. I did it because I’m a mean ass blackout drunk and I’m allergic to prison… rape gives me hives.
For those of you who don’t know what blacking out is…it’s when your soul passes out, and your consience passes out…but your body keeps rampaging on like a weapon of mass destruction that was fired off with a faulty guidance chip…and all of the sudden every human being in the room starts looking alarmingly like a school house in Baghdad.
A lot of people think the worst part about being a blackout drunk is never knowing what you did, or never knowing where you are when you wake up, or the vicious beatings you can’t remember taking, or waking up in police custody, or possibly the vicious beating you are taking when you wake up in police custody. It’s none of these things.
The worst part is the fucking voicemails.
See…you never know how long you’ve been under, could be a day, could be a week, could be a month, and there’s always the voice mails. They normally say something like: “I’m Pregnant”, or “You have AIDS now”, or “You son of a bitch this is the last time you do this to me, I’ve kicked you out of the house, Changed the locks and burned all of your shit as a sacrifice to the gods of fuck off and die”, or “THE COPS FOUND THE COCAINE”.
One of the worst ones is the voicemail explaining why you mysteriously find yourself in the hospital: “Someone cut off your dick…but it’s okay…we found it…in your ass. Anyway the doctor did a great job on the stitching.. Apparently he worked his way through college repairing doll clothes so he’s really good at sewing small things back together. He says you’ll hardly be able to tell in like 19 weeks.”
Even worse is the family intervention phone call: “Honey…we know what’s going on so don’t even try and lie to your mother. We’re sending you to a zen recovery center in the himalayas for 9 months where they’ll heal your fractured soul through the power of crystals, chant away those awful addiction demons, and give you endless warm yak milk ememas for no apparent reason at all. Feel better…Love mom.”
Having been through versions of…well…pretty much all of these I decided it was about time to straighten my ass out before I ran into every alcoholics worst nightmare…the voice mail that keeps us all awake at night with our tiny Jack Daniels bottle night light turned on…the dreaded combination voicemail:
“YOU SON OF A BITCH…I’M PREGNANT…WE ALL HAVE AIDS…THE COPS FOUND THE COCAINE THAT WE SOLD THE HOUSE FOR…AND SOMEBODY CUT YOUR DICK OFF…I HOPE ZEN MONKS RAPE YOU WITH A YAK…Love mom.”
(This is just me field testing a new comedy routine…so try not to get too upset)
WELCOME TO BIGOTRY BURGER…MAY I HATE YOUR ORDER PLEASE?
I have either read, or heard at least 25 rants about Chic-Fil-A over the last couple of weeks…I have even posted one of the graphics myself…but I am getting a little bit tired of people lecturing me about how every time I buy a Chic-Fil-A I’m eating bigotry and hatred. I have a few things to say Here:
1) I haven’t eaten Chic-Fil-A sandwich in like 10 months so you are preaching to the choir folks.
2) Bigotry and hate must be the ultimate Chicken marinade…because Goddamn those sandwiches are yummy.
3) Please recognize that I have been foregoing tasty goodness longer than most of you have even known there was an issue (Mostly because my friend/roomie Chris is big time into the gay rights movement and filled me in). I share your beliefs on this issue…but if you keep it up I am going to bring a Chic-Fil-A family pack to the next Pride fest planning meeting just to say fuck you. Every time you give me one of your lectures…I just get hungry okay? That’s like walking up to a newly recovered junkie and yelling “CRACK IS BAD!!!” over and over again. All he’s really hearing is “CRACK….CRACK….CRACK.” Consider me in Hate-Sandwich Anonymous and stop reminding me of my addiction.
4) Try to see the irony in a guy named Cathy crusading against gay rights and cut him a little slack. The poor man is named Cathy…he’s probably been getting gay jokes his entire life…and he’s straight.
5) If you want to do something really productive…buy one of their businesses with out mentioning your sexual orientation…and then change the sign to “Chic-For-Gay”. You can put cows in drag on your sign, and actually spell shit properly. That would have a bigger effect on things than a mountain of petitions and a hundred boycott rallies…and if they try to sue you? EVEN BETTER…HELLO TV NEWS!!!
(I am not implying that every gay man is a drag queen with item five…I just think it would be a nice little fuck you…lol)